I spent two nights by myself at my parents’ house. It was nice to just eat my parents’ junk food of which they have a large amount and variety and read their magazines without having to think about anyone else. A girl scout and the Schwan’s (frozen food delivery service) guy came by to harass my parents and I sent them away. I had to keep muting the tv to check on noises in my parents’ big old house. I think there is a ghost there, but it might just be the steam heat.

I went to my aunt’s for Thanksgiving Day. As I got off the exit to go to my aunt’s house, a girl in an ugly Pontiac SUV rear ended me, but I detected no damage so I told her to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I chatted with cousins and cuddled with little cousins and ate a lot of food. My cousin offered to find me an empty couch to sleep on and enthusiastically stated that they planned to go shopping at 5 A.M. on black Friday. As tempting as a couch in a house among 10 children and then getting up at 5 A.M. sounded, I chose to go back to my parents’. I was a little lonely, but Maddy called me and it was much better. We shared some secrets and some laughs.

I spent the rest of the weekend with my friend. We went to see “Love, Actually” which we both found enjoyable because it was really funny and because I love Hugh Grant and she loves Colin Firth. Now, I love my friend, but she is a major crap collector. I think if she sees a square inch of surface without a candle or a plant or some glass thingy she is uncomfortable. She has a couch that you cannot sit on for all the pillows in the way. I always feel like I will knock into something a break it and I get sensory overload from all the stuff. There should be a rehab program for this—my mother has it, too.

On Saturday, we went to Pittsburgh and shopped on the South Side and went to a piano bar. I am not a good shopper. In general, I do not enjoy wandering around aimlessly just looking at stuff. There are some places and some people I can do that with because they hold my interest. I could probably spend a day in Ikea for instance, but not Wal Mart. My friends yelled at me because all I bought was a CD. We only went to the CD place and a nostalgic toy store that had a bunch of GI Joe, Star Wars and He-Man stuff. We ate dinner and then went to a piano bar which was fun for the first 4 or 5 hours. I think I am old before my time. I just don’t feel any need to close down a bar and I can’t really remember a time when I did. So I woke up yesterday morning in a pool of my own sweat because my friend’s apartment was about 80 degrees.

I drove the two hours back to Miss Kitty’s with high hopes of taking a nap. I found Miss Kitty’s grandma in the kitchen in her slip (or petticoat as she called it) surprised that I would be home so early. I told her that I was going back downstairs to take a nap, which she apparently didn’t believe because I was just drifting off to sleep when she came knocking to see if I had eaten. I shouted across the room and up the stairs that I was not hungry. A few minutes later I hear her knock again and yell down “Jean, you come up here and eat a bowl of beans with me.” I replied that I was sleeping. A few minutes later she called down to tell me that my beans were getting cold. At that point I decided to give up and go eat the fucking beans so I might have a chance at peace. While I eat the beans she told me how she wanted me to eat with her and she had already eaten. She was obviously unaware that I have grown immune to guilt trips through being reared by the master of the guilt trip. So then I sat in the living room for 20 minutes while she crocheted and cried about every person she has lost in her entire 87-year life. I finally excused myself to go take a nap. I’ve lost patience with my own self-pity and I really can’t stomach it in anyone else, especially when I am sleep deprived. I get meaner by the day.

Love to all.