I spent a good portion of yesterday evening working on my application and my cover letter for the drug rep thing. I think I am starting to psych myself out. I hate when I look at what I have accomplished and see it as inferior or when I look in the mirror and see only the pimple on my forehead. I hate self doubt. I don’t want to participate in that anymore. I hope it’s a choice. I want better for me—all around better. Well, except for my friends, I think that my friends are of the highest quality. Speaking of, I can’t wait til Maddy gets his technology set up and figured out because I miss him.

The big boss is here today to enjoy the most blustery day. Yesterday the temperatures were in the low 60s and today the wind is howling and the flurries are blowing. Winter is knocking. Sometimes the wind catches the corner of the building where my boss’s office is and creates this great harmonica like sound. I told her that I really liked it and she told me that I wouldn’t if I had to sit in there. I reminded her that my office which used to be hers sounds a great deal like I imagine being inside a stomach would sound during most of the winter as one of the walls must have a large amount of pipes or ductwork.

I decided to wear my new charcoal pants and plum silk sweater today for the big boss’s visit. The office manager and the boss commented on how skinny I looked. It’s nice to hear, but I guess the self doubt thing still kicks in. Maybe I have a body image disorder. I wonder if I could get on disability for that. Not that I would, I just wonder if I could.

I’m thinking that if I should get a job as a drug rep—I will see a trainer a couple days a week. I have made vast improvement on my own, but I need more direction. I have a lot of ideas of how I would spend money, but I guess I should focus more on getting the job first.

Well, I can’t think of much else I wish to report.

Love to all.