So lately I have become ever so much more aware of how my life lines up as a vast array of choices going from the simple what will I wear today to what will I do with my life. At present, the choice in the forefront seems to be between doing good and doing well. My professors in graduate school said that it wouldn’t necessarily be a choice I would have to confront as it was possible to do both. Not that they were lying or that the two are mutually exclusive, but at this point I am feeling rather resentful in the attempts to do good and I would really enjoy doing well.

I have thrown this possible opportunity of becoming a drug rep, er, pharmaceutical representative past several people since Wednesday. Now, a couple have been noticeably unenthusiastic about the idea—Miss Kitty and Darcy the office manager. The reasons behind this, I cannot pinpoint exactly, but it may have to do with their not wanting me to leave. My mother, my stepfather, my sister, my hairdresser, and my Maddy have been most excited about this possibility.

Am I too late, though? Have I missed that period of time when it was okay to give up something selfless and good for something more self-centered? Is it too late for me to be a yuppie? God, I hope not.

Really, I’m thinking that I need a break. A break that will allow me to pay off my student loans and not be constantly confronted with what the “have-nots” are getting at my expense. I’m tired of feeling so much resentment toward a system that rewards laziness and does little to compensate industry. I’m not saying that I am solely motivated by the money or that money will make me happy. Money only helps to ease the strain a bit and I am more excited about the challenges, meeting new people (who work for a living), and learning new information. I’m just excited to feel excited about anything.

It took me forever to get to sleep for thinking about this last night. I suppose it was nervous excitement over everything—the possibility of this, the propinquity of being in the proximity of Julio, and I guess the whole not-knowing-what-will-happen-with-anything thing. It’s a good feeling, actually.

So, I started the ball on its path a bit. I called Linda and asked her for the drug rep’s contact information. She said that she would email it to me.

Love to all.