It’s been a long afternoon. I’m tired and I just want to go home and lounge. Alas, I have a belt test tonight and I have to go so hopefully I will earn my green belt. Hmm. . . that was one of my goals to reach before I left here. Who knows? Maybe, I will even make it to brown before I leave.

Miss Kitty had a good visit with her husband. I hear her yelling at Polyester again last night. I’m not really sure what that was about, but I am still refusing to get directly involved. They just need to duke it out, I guess. I am going to have my own little confrontation with Poly pretty soon. I dread going home everyday to hear the 20 minute run down of every little thing that he spent his day doing. I just don’t freaking care. He never asks anything about my day and the boy cannot read body language to save his life. I don’t know what I am going to do or say, but it will be soon.

I had a conversation with Stone last night. It was the first one in a couple weeks. He seemed a little distant and guarded throughout the conversation, but we talked forever. I have such doubts about my ability to meet anyone’s needs but my own right now. I wish I had a magic wand and sometimes I might have delusions of grandeur in which I believe I am capable of solving problems with a few wise words or a gentle pat on the shoulder. The devastating truth is that I just can’t. I think I have broken myself of being attracted to people because I think they need me. I’m not sure exactly what to replace that with—I guess people who just want me and are happy spending time with me.

I had a good talk with my boss this afternoon. She brought me a coffee from Sheetz. She isn’t aware of my health kick lately, so I didn’t say anything. I like her so much more when she is relaxed and not frantic. I hate the idea of telling her that I plan to leave. I know that she will understand. It isn’t that I hate my job or the people. I don’t feel challenged. I don’t like the giving diapers to losers bit and I hate all the crap that comes with adoption. I am happiest when I am counseling, even marital counseling. I guess I also have some philosophical problems with how people are treated and that the education required for the position is underutilized and undervalued. Beyond that, I want to be somewhere vibrant and vital not depressed and dying.

Well, I have a boring and practical weekend planned. Working out, laundry, vacuuming and maybe some movies and baking. I also need to try to get a hold of my old roommate from New Mexico and catch up with her. That should take a couple hours.

Love to all.